Your survival depended on being able to anticipate threats to your well-being, so your psyche had to develop this super power of being able to sense the mood and energy of the abuser.
Kids who grow up in toxic & abusive homes, often have a heightened intuition and 6th sense. You see, your survival depended on being able to anticipate threats to your well-being, so your psyche had to develop this super power of being able to sense the mood and energy of the abuser and your environment.⠀
A kid who grew up in a loving home, often depends on the parent to tell them what’s safe and what not. A kid who grows up in chaos and hostility, has to learn from a young age to rely on something much more innate: A heightened awareness for subtle energy.⠀
This is one of those cases where darkness comes with its own treasures. The negative aspect of this trait - being able to read others' thoughts, feel their feelings is this: You grow up into an adult that still energetically moves into another person’s experience to have your own.⠀
Because you’ve become so good at ‘feeling’ others, you can anticipate their behaviour, adapt your own behaviour (unconsciously) to get the result you want: peace, harmony, being liked/approved. This is where enmeshment comes in. All the things you did in childhood, like become ‘invisable’ when you noticed a parent in one of their unpredictable moods, you might still apply but now in your romantic relationship.. which manifests into: always trying to figure out what your partner is thinking/feeling. Just like when my client kept saying: “you see, he doesn’t love or care about me. He does this, he feels that, which means that.” Rather than saying: I feel rejected.⠀
Her experience was based on what she thought her partner was feeling..⠀
You see what I mean? You’ve made someone else’s experience of you, your own experience. ⠀
Here’s a little exercise to mindfully navigate this: When your nervous system is activated (hyper vigilance), instead of ‘scanning’ and energetically taking possession of another, tell yourself: Stay in your own experience, how does this feel to me? How does this feel in my body? What do I think of this, how do I feel about this. Don’t jump to assumptions or conclusions what the other is thinking / feeling..that’s not your job. Your job is to stay within your own experience so you can process what you are feeling, which will lead to greater clarity on which steps to take next.
